My mind’s one big fucking mess so it’s easier for me to stay quiet, so that’s what I’ll do.. Have done for the past year & a half, lets just see how long I can last.
Haven’t posted in so long. CW 125, fuckin sucks being fat. Fast today, hopefully.
Wow, haven’t been on here in ages! Well a little update…. Currently at 129lbs. Had a horrible week last week, binged like 3 days straight ughhh. So from Saturday up until today I restricted to below 200 cals per day, then woke up this morning with zero energy & felt faint all day resulting in me cravinggg sugar and binging on about 1800 cals tonight ughhh, will restrict to 200 again tomorrow. I need to be 100lbs by July 1st, but aiming to get there by the end of May/beginning of June
Fucked up big time yesterday. First I binged on about 500 calories worth of shit and I purged that, then later in the evening I managed to get through over 1000 calories worth of junk and couldn’t purge cos my parents were home. Ughhh, today will either be a fast or maximum intake of 200 cals. Right, I need to go work out!!!!
Haven’t been on tumblr in too long! Well, this week started well. Mon Tues Weds & Thurs I ate under 200 cals each day. Then yesterday I ended up fucking binging on curry, rice, chips, chocolate, crisps and bread. a whole 1600 cals worth! Needless to say all day I’ve felt like shit after last nights performance. I’ve actually felt physically sick all day cos I ate so much I thought I was gonna explode. So far today I’ve consumed about 180 cals, and burnt off about 200 in work so that’s okay. It’s 8pm nearly so I don’t plan on eating anything else today unless it’s a little fruit. Before last nights binge I weighed myself and I was 130.8 lbs…. Still can’t bring myself to step back on the scale tho, I feel like I’ve put on about a stone ughhhh
Got so much shit going on right now, why couldn’t I have just been born perfect?!
My mother just brought 2 biscuits covered in butter & cheese, & 3 pickled onions in a bowl upto my room. It’s gone 10pm & I’ve eaten just under 400 cals today after fainting last night. I’m not eating them that’s like an extra 300 calories, is she having a fucking laugh?
Last night I went downstairs about 2.30am after cutting for a while, felt dizzy, made a glass of water, fell down, everything goes blank, wake up there’s ringing in my ears, my head is against the door and fucking killing where I must’ve hit it & there’s water all over me. *I fainted* Well, I woke my mum up didn’t I & I thought fuck this is it she’s gonna take me to the doctors or something tomorrow to get help cos she knows I’ve been barely eating, I ate about 190 cals yesterday the same throughout the week bar thursday. Firstly she thought I was drunk, and then I played it off as bein sat upstairs for hours in the boiling hot under my duvet and overheating laptop, and jumping up really quickly and feeling dizzy. She bought it thank god! Today’s gonna be weird tho…
Okay so today I woke up & was so dizzy I thought I was gonna faint, it was probably because over the last 4 days I’ve stuck to under 200 cals a day. So my mum made me a wholemeal turkey sandwich which was about 170 cals. We then went out shopping and I could fit into a size 10 trousers (UK size) and she freaked out, bearing in mind I was like a size 18 four months ago. She started saying ‘I don’t want you going to far with this whole weight loss thing, how small do you wanna be, anorexic?’ So we started arguing blah blah. She even rang my dad all worried and stuff. It doesnt help that my sisters best friend has an eating disorder so my mum know like all the signs, so then she brings her up like wtf?! So tonight to put her fucking mind at rest I had to eat a takeaway curry. I feel like shit but I’m just thinking if I keep her happy and unsuspecting then she won’t stop me from getting to my ugw. Ughhh sometimes I hate parents! On a lighter note, I fit into a size 10 trousers (: It’s not a 6, 4 or 2 but it’s progress! Fasting tomorrow, fun. Don’t even know why I put all my shit out there like people are gonna read it but hey it makes me feel better.